Rules of our Marriage

These were not predetermined at the altar in 2012 - they’ve simply come to be.

1. Go to bed angry, if you must. 

   (But - it is unlikely. Because we have lost the urge to stay angry…as you said in our last disagreement, “I wish I could stay angry at you, but..I like you.”)

2. Always run big purchases by each other, if it's not essential. 

   (“Essential” is to be determined. “Big” - also, tbd.)

3. We must start each day by telling each other how poorly we slept.

   (And we must end each day by not going to bed early enough, in an attempt to collect more minutes together)

4. You must tell me I’m funny in the way other women like to hear that they’re beautiful - often, and when I’m most insecure. 

   (Your laughter is your lust for me.)

5. We will share the duty of making the morning coffee. 

   (I will never actually do it. You always will.)

6. When I criticize you, I’ll stop, and say I’m sorry. When you tease me too close to the pain, you’ll stop, and say you’re sorry. 

   (But I’ll probably be laughing at the joke you made at my expense.)

7. You’ll be the best father to our kids, because you are the best father for our kids. I’ll be the best mother I can be. 

   (We may never be able to define what exactly that means but - we’re here, and it's sometimes lonely when we’re apart, but it's fun to do together.)

8. I’ll worry. You’ll say it's fine. 

   (We will meet somewhere in the middle and move forward, accordingly.)

9. I get the good spot on the couch, due to pregnancy. 

   (Yes, the pregnancies are over, but my spot remains.)

10. You shop the meat department at Costco like I shops the home section at Target. Recklessly.

    (We may not understand this about each other, but we tolerate it.)

11. You will suggest a new show to watch together. I will want the comfort of something familiar.

    (I will fall in love with the new show. Thank you.)

12. This will never get old and we will quote it until the end of time
    (…I will not respect you.)