Breaking the Freeze

a poem

In the wake of the early morning news, I freeze.

I’m meant to be making making lunches and serving vitamins and getting little shoes on little feet,
but I’m frozen.

I’m meant to be driving to a preschool
to teach 2 and 3 year old babies
what it means to be thankful
and yet
I am
frozen.

I’m frozen in time because if I don’t move, it can’t be real.

Time can’t move on if I don’t move.
If I freeze so does it,
like predator and prey,
and yet it does- move forward - anyway.
I refuse to follow its lead.

I’m undecided if my anger will thaw me
I’m sure the tears will help.

But in feeling and not doing
I find myself here.

Too disheartened for advocacy,
too tired for plans,
too overwhelmed to keep scrolling, looking for magic words to make this - different.

So I sit.
And wait.
And listen.

Taking one tiny step.
But then resting.

And hoping some day soon, I’ll break the freeze.